How’s my driving?! New oil leak in Gulf

I hope someone got the tag numbers of whatever drunk and belligerent asshole rammed his boat into a wellhead just off the Louisiana coastline.

The Coast Guard is responding to a new oil leak on the Gulf Coast.

“It’s apparent that some type of vessel has hit the well head, has laid it over,” said Donald Nalty, COO of oil spill cleanup contractor ES&H, who just returned from a flyover of the site in single engine seaplane. “It’s probably about a four inch casing and it’s spewing out oil and natural gas.”

That’s right, spewing! It’s raining natural resources on the bayou and you!

Something like that...minus all the celebrating. And white people.

So what’s worse? A GIGANTIC, nature destroying leak caused by procedural incompetence, or a sprinkler much closer to land caused by what I can only imagine is either a teenager without a boating license or an old geezer who confused the gas for the breaks?

Perhaps even more importantly, why is only Fox News covering this? Looking at the picture hosted on their site, it’s obvious that by comparison this is hardly ratable as a “disaster” when held up next to it’s Gulf-Coast-murdering brother a few miles away. Are the people at CNN, NPR, USA Today, and MSNBC just so disenfranchised by such “small” leaks that they could care less? Or is Fox News being its typical self and trying to stir up more anger from it’s predominantly southern redneck audience?

If you ask me (and I know you do, because you love hearing me!) this is just another example of how pig-headedly dumb we choose to be. Think about this, folks. One bad driver just caused another environmental problem. One oopsie. The likelihood of this getting any coverage beyond a 100 word article on a very biased website? Zip. Zilch. Zero. Why? There’s no ratings in it when compared to the big fish that is BP and Event Hori – d’I mean Deepwater Horizon. News outlets know the average American won’t give two flying shits. They rather yell “HURRR DURRR” at the big target and ignore the underlying problem.

What exactly is that problem? We really don’t give a shit unless it directly affects us OR is made a big issue by our friends at Fox, CNN, NBC, etc. Fox says hate Obama, people say “YEA FUCK THAT GUY!” Keith Olbermann says “gay rights!” and suddenly we have a war between GLBT sympathizers and haters. Someone in prominence raises enough hell, and the lemmings respond.

No news outlet will two give flying craps about another relatively small leaking well, so neither will we. When’s football season start again? Fuck Donovan McNabb.